Tears of Black
by WWEObsesser
Summary: Bella can't take it anymore. Rated T for character death. Set during New Moon


**A/N: I desperately needed to write this. Things have been going so bad for me, that I needed a way to express my feelings before going absolutely CRAZY! You may or may not need a tissue; it depends on how sensitive you are. Now Read!**

"Bells? You there?" Jacob called. I didn't answer. I wanted to be alone. I haven't wanted company for months. I guess you could say I have become a socio path. I was perfectly content with that. As long as I was alone.

"C'mon Bella," He said in a stern voice. No answer. I heard him sigh and walked back downstairs and out the front door, after saying a disappointed goodbye to Charlie.

Ever since _he_ left me, I was depressed. Obviously. God, I still couldn't say _his_ name. I was hurting deeply inside. Every single day, my heart felt like it was ripped from my chest and set on fire, right in front of me. I hope that _he _was happy. I hope that, wherever he is, that he is living a good life. No, I am being sincere. As long as he was happy, nothing else mattered, right?

No, my family mattered too. I was being selfish. Charlie was worried about me. I could tell that he was hurting too. He didn't express it, but I could see it in his eyes. I didn't deserve all the pity and remorse that he was radiating. All my fault.

In case you couldn't already tell, people at school didn't take my depressed state very well. I was the social outcast, that didn't fit in with anybody, who didn't have any friends. Even Mike and Angela, who were some of my closet friends who comforted me during the first few weeks, left me, but they left reluctantly, as they had an image to maintain.

And there was Jacob.

Jacob tried to stick by me. But, his happy-go-lucky character couldn't quite handle me. But, I guess you could say that he was my best friend.

I tried to hold back the tears that threatened to spill out of my eyes. I cried almost every day. Tears of black.

I rolled up my sleeves that were covered in a black sweatshirt that I wore all the time. I looked at the angry red scars that stared back at me. It was the only way I could deal with pain that coursed through me.

I got up from my bed and made my way to the bathroom. I forced myself to look in the mirror.

The girl looking back at me looked nothing like the Bella I used to know. This girl had stringy, messy brown hair. Her brown eyes had bags under them from lack of sleep. Her eyes were also red and puffy from all the crying I did. Her lips were red and badly chapped. Her complexion was unusually paler than normal, it scared me almost. Her clothes were tattered, obviously I didn't care about my appearance, and I was perfectly fine with that.

I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed the piece of gleaming metal. I stuffed it in my jacket pocket incase I ran into Charlie. I hurried back to my room and locked my door. I made up a decision. A decision that will cause nobody pain. I slammed the razor blade on my bed stand and went to my computer desk. I pulled out a piece of paper and a pen.

_My Dearest Edward,_

_Please don't hate me. I never wanted to do this, but I knew I had to. _

_When we first met, I never thought I would fall in love. But I did, and I fell hard. You were my life and I still love you. _

_You have no idea how much pain I felt when you left me. It felt like a black whole blew through my body. I became deeply depressed._

_I won't go into details. I don't want to make you feel guilty. I certainly am not trying to._

_The whole purpose of this letter is, that I want to let you know, that I will ALWAYS love you no matter what. I'm sure we will meet again someday. _

_Love for always and forever,_

_XOXO Bella_

There were tear stains all over the paper, but I knew he could still read it. I folded it in half and wrote his name on the front.

I took the letter with me as I sat on my bed. I took the razor and turned it over in my hands a few times. I hesitated. Did I really want to do this?

Yes, I needed too.

I brought the blade to my vain in my wrist. I dug it in deeply, letting the blood just flow out of me. I heard pounding on my door. It was Charlie. He was shouting my name, but I was becoming too weak. My strength, no, my life, was slowly fading.

I picked up the letter and unfolded it. I wrote something with my own blood.

_Don't cry Tears of Black_

And I slipped away.


End file.
